Work Reviewed: McLaren, Karla. The Language of Emotions.* Sounds True Adult, 2010.
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Introduction to McLaren’s The Language of Emotions
Check out Karla McLaren’s The Language of Emotions for a life-changing look at how even “bad” or uncomfortable feelings provide us with valuable insights into our lives. Find out how anger can protect you, sadness can set you free, and anxiety can supercharge your attention and intuition. If you see your emotions as a problem to solve, be sure to read this one.
Key Arguments from McLaren’s The Language of Emotions
TW: This work contains discussions of trauma, SA, SH, and other challenging topics. For additional support, please see this list of links. The content of this post is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment.
The Role and Origin of Our Emotions
If you have pets, you might think to yourself, “Spot looks so happy right now,” or “Oh no! Fluffy seems so scared while she is at the vet.” There is a reason for this ability to recognize emotions in other mammals, according to McLaren. Think about the body language Fluffy shows when afraid. She might back up, try to make herself look bigger, and respond with a lot of energy to sudden movements. You might also see her pupils dilate, her heart rate increase, and her breathing move a little faster. We’re able to interpret all of these things as signs of fear, because we as humans still show the same signs. As we’ll soon see, the “symptoms” of fear help Fluffy prepare to cope with a stressful experience with some extra attention and energy.
The Importance of Living a Conscious Life
When fear takes over for Fluffy at the vet, we might become frustrated. We know that the vet means no harm, but Fluffy is not able to internalize that when the vet assistants are holding her down to take her temperature you-know-where. So, Fluffy may react in fear with hissing and scratching. While these are appropriate reactions to someone trying to harm her, she is unknowingly interfering with her own healthcare.
Similarly, when we are caught up in our emotions, we may act in ways that are harmful to ourselves and others. This is often why, in my opinion, we see certain emotions as being harmful in and of themselves. If we can, however, recognize our emotions, process them, and sort out where they are coming from, we can use their unique gifts to benefit ourselves and others. When we are consciously angry, for example, we may be able stand up for ourselves and others more effectively. But when unconsciously angry, we might lash out and harm someone.
Let’s find out more about each of the gifts that the emotions provide. Not all will appear here, so be sure to zero in on the sections of McLaren’s The Language of Emotions that are most relevant to you.
Anger
Anger is a boundary-setting emotion. In Fluffy’s case, it may come up when another animal invades her personal space. By giving Fluffy some extra energy, anger prepares her to defend her boundaries. She might prepare for a fight by flattening her ears, narrowing her eyes, and baring teeth or claws. Sometimes, this posturing is enough to convey the message, “back off.” But in other cases, the offender might receive a swat on the nose.
To become more conscious in our anger, McLaren suggests that we ask, “What must be protected? What must be restored?” (McLaren 167). When we have a clear answer to this, we can act with honor and conviction, rather than with reactivity or unnecessary violence. If we are unconscious in our anger, however, we may end up expressing it reactively, or attempting to repress it. Repressed anger can turn to resentment and collapsed boundaries. Reactive anger, on the other hand, can cause cyclical blow-ups and isolation as others flee from frightening or unkind behavior.
Apathy and Boredom
There are several emotions in this book that I was surprised to see categorized as emotions. For McLaren, apathy and boredom are symptoms of repressed anger. They lead to indifference, and signal that it’s time to take some space and look at the deeper issue. The question these emotions raises for the author is, “What is being avoided?”
While you might think of this set of emotions as negative, again, each has a unique gift. McLaren notes that we cannot always control our circumstances, and if you need to get through a short-term situation, some apathy can really help. She finds, for example, that apathy helped her get through certain classes that she found boring without becoming disruptive to others (McLaren 195-196).
Guilt and Shame
McLaren argues that only shame is an emotion, while guilt is a state of being. If you are guilty of some offense, this leads to shame. In other words, shame is the result of crossing an internal boundary. While anger results from someone else crossing a line, shame comes around when we ourselves violate our sense of right and wrong. This is valuable, because it helps us to recognize when we’ve made a mistake and correct it.
If, however, we become stuck in guilt or shame, we can reach a point where the emotions are no longer constructive. So, ask yourself, “What must be made right?” (McLaren 197). If there is nothing in the present moment, you may be dealing with what the author considers inauthentic shame, or shame that someone else has imposed on us, but does not actually correspond to our values.
Fear
We’ve already explored fear through Fluffy’s eyes, but there are some additional points. Fear gives “intuition, focus, clarity, attentiveness, readiness, and vigor,” (McLaren 235). It is crucial to our survival as individuals, and people who have no fear can expose themselves to all kinds of dangerous situations.
The issue is when fear gets stuck, leading to chronic anxiety or panic. McLaren urges her readers to get additional support if coping with this situation, as it can greatly interfere with your quality of life. If you are stuck in this kind of cycle, it may indicate something unresolved in the past that needs to be addressed.
Sadness
If you have ever experienced a deeply sad event, you may recall being extremely tired, weepy, and slow. According to the author, these gifts from sadness encourage us to slow down, process our feelings, and learn to let go of what we have lost. Integrating sadness after a period of loss is often difficult in a fast-paced society where there is constant pressure to perform. But it is vital to embrace sadness if we want to process our losses. Distracting ourselves from sadness, or covering it up with anger, may lead to sadness becoming stuck.
The author covers depression and suicidal urges just after sadness, as well, and explores how these extreme constellations of emotions serve to halt us in our tracks, and encourage us to do a deep dive into our emotions and lives. Again, please seek help if you are experiencing this. This post and the book it covers are not a substitute for professional assistance.
Happiness
Many of the emotions we’ve covered so far may have a negative connotation for you. What about happiness, contentment, and joy? McLaren covers each one in a separate section. According to her, these emotions can offer a sense of invigoration, renewal, and connection. If, however, we privilege these emotions over all others, and sacrifice our well-being in the pursuit of things that cause only temporary or artificial joy, we may come to harm. Ultimately, McLaren advises us, “Celebrate your happiness and let it go; it can only flow freely when you allow all of your emotions to flow” (McLaren 359). I myself, for example, sometimes struggle to be present with my happiness because I also feel anticipatory sadness at the thought that my emotions will inevitably change. And this is OK; we need each one to survive and thrive, and only by letting our joy flow in and out can we fully appreciate it.
This review of McLaren’s The Language of Emotions is part of the August 2024 Emotions Trio. Follow me on Patreon for access to discussion and study materials for a new trio of selections each month, including access to all previous materials. Or, sign up for emails to stay up on the latest content.
